I can’t yet envision a much less satisfying position of employment than that of a museum security guard.

Is it one of those things where you wake up each morning craving the musty air?  Does it give these individuals a thrill to yell out ‘No Photo’ in an otherwise quiet room of patrons taking in the intricacies of a delicately preserved painting or carefully chiseled block of marble?  Maybe it’s the badge, or concealed stun gun that make the job worthwhile.  Whether it’s priceless artifacts from centuries ago, or that lightbox photo by Vancouver artist Jeff Wall that we found in MUMOK, these black clothed staff firmly seated in the corners are ready to pounce or shout at you if you get too close to a perceived ‘work of art’.

Today was another tour of the local museums, which included the Accademia Galleria and the lesser known Museum of Musical Instruments.  The former houses several paintings by numerous artists from centuries ago, 600+ year old wooden panels covered in gold paint acquired from monasteries and nearby churches, and of course Michelangelo’s unfinished works plus David.  Not a lot of people at this time of year which makes the lines a little shorter and less sweltering heat to deal with.  It also puts the security at ease…not thoroughly going through your bags or paying much attention to that metal detector beeping violently with each person that walks through.  Even Melanie and I beeped when going through…as should be expected with my pockets full of change for essential gelato breaks.

And it’s the lackadaisical response of security, likely bored from a very busy summer and museum patronage profiling, that allowed an Italian guy to smuggle a hammer into the museum in September of 1991.  This hammer holder said he was instructed by a 16th century Venetian painter’s model to march into the museum and do a little David smashing.  He executed his plan, maybe not to the extent of what the plaster model may have asked of him, but to a lesser degree because of heroic museum patrons jumping on the guy to prevent further damage.  I wonder what that collection of tourists may have consisted of that were willing to step between a hammer wielding Italian and his goals of destruction. Made for TV movie anyone?

The ‘Delicate Art of Parking’ was a great flick touching on the hazards of being a meter maid.  Could a director, or even a scriptwriter, possibly be inspired enough to find enough excitement to develop a similar picture based on museum staff?  There certainly must be a channel willing to pick up that reality TV show, and with a some careful editing…filling in the side stories of personal lives of each of the security, and gossipy gift shop girls…maybe something destined only for Youtube consumption.  There must be a cult following out there that would really appreciate this kind of programming.

Despite the hoopla and news stories that surfaced from the damaging event…it really was only a toe and I am sure more damage was imparted on this statue from the authorities deciding on leaving this magnificent piece out in the rain for 369 years.