It’s yin and yang.  Black and white.  Internet abundance and now none.  Yes, a decade ago, adding wifi to the list of requirements was unheard of in an apartment rental or hotel.  Now we can’t seem to live without it.  Heat might even come in second to updating my hockey pool roster.  It’s why we have made connectivity an absolute priority in selecting accommodations from week to week.  Besides, how else are we supposed to stay in contact with you all?

Here in Verona, our run of decent accommodation has hit a bit of a speed bump.  Sure we have had a few minor issues along the way with Parisian kitchen bugs or 1000 steps, but here it almost seems like we’ve realized our most critical of amenities.  The wifi noted in the ad is not actually in the apartment, but a slow city operated connection located a block away.  Outdoor cafe seated browsing would be great in the summer, but now that it’s near zero and there is a well lit Christmas tree sitting in the middle of the plaza where benches likely sat for your casual surfer.  The killer is that we can see the connection with antennae, but can’t connect to the damn thing.

A washing machine was also noted in the ad, but there is none to be found in this generously measured 40 sq.m. flat.  I would be willing to wear my clothes three times over, as long as I could tell you about every new pasta sauce stain acquired in the process.  I said heat could be considered a secondary amenity to connectivity…well the heat is on full blast to deal with the marble tiled floor and I can’t even touch the surface without shoes, yet it still is something we can deal with due to the hoodies purchased in Vienna for lack of heat.

Three cups for water consumption, no wine glasses, one coffee cup, two pots, and a breaker that blows if the TV is on with two burners on the cooktop.  It’s almost like camping, or maybe closer to that post-university accommodation when living in that basement suite…minus the carefully piled pizza boxes in the corner and line of ants marching from some point between the wall and floor to the coffee table loaded with week-old Subway wrappers and an empty Big Gulp cup.

Melanie is quick to point out the positives, such as a full-length mirror in the shower, better lighting for putting on makeup (not something I need to concern myself with until next Halloween), location…right in the middle of the old town, and a bottle of wine.  Add to that a makeshift loft with mattress on the floor with no box spring, and it’s almost like we’re in a tree fort.

So what do we do in a cold, internet-less world.  I can write a little offline, then walk out of the apartment and upload while standing on the corner…in the dark.  We can watch the Jeffersons, overdubbed in Italian, then flip the channel to Britney Spears music videos for our only source of English.  I guess we could curl up in bed with a good book and just enjoy our time in this cute little town.  Anyone not familiar with Verona, check out Google Images for shots of the Arena right in the middle of town, along with some well preserved old Roman gates as well as the newer ones that you can walk right up to and update your Facebook status.

This post will be uploaded in a similar fashion.  No pics, or links.  Typed up within the confines of our misrepresented apartment, and uploaded on the street corner in the dark.   When was the last time you saw a guy just standing in a poorly lit alleyway with the glowing Apple logo shining like a beacon in the dark as he frantically tries to upload his latest blog post before all feeling goes out of his fingertips?